Monday, March 8, 2010


i'm over the whole feeling smug that anything pre-7am is a fail.
because seriously I have such a bad habit of self-indulgence.

I see a chocolate bar and I eat it.
Why? because i want to.

I stay up til 11:15pm reading New York Times articles.
Why? because I feel like it.

Not because it's healthy; not because I can't put it off until later; but because I am so good at lying to myself and justifying my reasons. And it just kicks me in the derrière the next day when I realize how stupid my decision was.

And WHILE I do the decision, I KNOW I'll regret it.

I see this as a form of sin (not just in the basic sense of sloth) but how this lack of discipline reveals that in the end, I care more about my instant gratifications more than God.

I KNOW that if i stay up late I won't have time in the morning for quality time with the Lord. I know that it's HARD to get that time in at other times. And, yet as the clock slowly ticks from 9-10-11... I find more and more excuses to read/bake/fold clothes .. etc etc. See, it's so insidious because the things I do aren't "bad" (TV got moved to roommate's room; I don't have it anymore)... but they ARE because as night strikes, I suddenly don't want to sleep.. I feel like I can stay awake... I'm so good at fooling myself.

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