just received news from my cousin
talked with her a bit.
she's stressed about her MCATs and she stopped herself from describing her physical signs of stress in graphic detail.
i talked about my essay.
i wondered about how others would take the news
sent a rather pithy text to inform my sister
and a few doors away through the screen of my sliding glass door that i opened to the balmy oc air and cricket sounds, girls sang happy birthday.
i hear the tinkle of forks.
i felt like it was situationally ironic that as i think rather flippantly of my grandpa's passing, someone else is celebrating birth.
but then again, it's not like someone's being born.
and there's probably thousands born around the world.
or at least one.

when people die, i always feel like i'm scrounging for emotions.
because i feel curiously blank.
and not in shock either, but a selfish kind of blank.
as in a shoulder-shrug-move-on kind of blank

that's all for now.