to be perfectly (or imperfectly) honest...

Okay fine, i'll pepper this post with a lot of self-deprecating, eeyoresque melodrama which will end up strangely making me feel better .. or at least temporarily gratified.

This post will be titled

"Why My GRE Score Sucks"
It is difficult for me to concentrate on a test that is 3 hours long.
My first analytical writing prompt was fun.
The second one, i knew what I wanted to say but by then it was no longer fun and I got tired and bored of trying to edit.
So I just haphazardly finished it.
That does NOTHING for morale.
So then reading comprehension... wow, reading comprehension... reading articles with difficult words on scientific or social topics. So difficult.
Morale sunk further.
Then trying to read graphs. Or difficult terms that I don't remember.. like "multiple integers".

And then doing something dumb like forgetting some crucial little math tidbit. Or not remembering anything about permutations or exponents.

And all the while a little voice in my head saying, "you DID learn this before." or "wow, you're so dumb." or "what's the use?" or "whatever, hopefully it's curved." or "you'll do fine during the GREs."

And then I see my mistakes and see what I did wrong.. and go dur.


All this can be remedied.
The question is do I have the diligence and desire to remedy all this? It'S SO TIRING.
I'M SO TIRED!!!!!

I'm secretly hoping somehow i'll phenomenally do amazingly on the GRE... since I normally do pretty well on standardized testing.. or MAYBe when I was younger, I was more diligent with studies.

I don't know.

Anyway, it's positively discouraging because there's no easy shortcut; but rather I have to work hard. Isn't that so telling about my person? I'm so lazy. and that sucks to see how a test can really conquer me like that.......... like realistically, how do you survive in life if you have this kind of mentality?



In other news, came to "Soup and Bread" a cute restaurant/cafe right next to Sun Yat-Sen Memorial Hall MRT. kathy and i saw it yesterday while looking for the swing dance venue Capone's. Anyway, it's nice, yummy, AND they gave us free YUMMY lattes with foam hearts. Happy Chinese New Year!


I wonder if caffeine jitterized me.


Anyway,

Tomorrow I'm going to practice more math and verbal. Then Wednesday another test. Then the following Monday a test.

HwaeeTING!