okay, here's my game plan, I'll boo hoo, then I'll think rightly.
So last night I had a dream I was late for Leona's wedding. I ran in with an ugly outfit and ugly black shoes. Leona was surprised and said, "Oh you didn't see the dress?" I quickly took pictures with the bridal party (sat in the back because I wasn't well dressed) and then saw the dress. I was afraid it wouldn't fit, but it fit okay.. unfortunately the top was too low.
I felt awkward and tied the bow in the back (pretty dress; black top with the bottom being this oriental purple print.. it was pretty! a little gothic). Unfortunately I had ugly shoes on.. and the wedding was over.. i barely missed the reception.. and THEN i look and notice all the other bridesmaids had the bows tied in the front.
Then I went to a swim meet...
I had a really stressful night!
Semi-woke up and in my morning delirium, realized, Friday I'll see Leona, Saturday will be the wedding, then she'll go on her honeymoon, then leave for Minnesota. I felt a little depressed so I decided to not wake up but sleep in. as i prayed to God to make me trust, i drifted off to a dreamless THREE HOUR OVERSLEEP AGH!
I also am a little mopey because when I come back, Bethany will be down south, Sally and Andy will be married somewhere, and I'll be in Palo Alto.. and I realized a BIG encouragement to me WAS Leona over the summer. I'm hoping though, since i'm more used to working life, it shouldn't be too difficult.. but I know adjusting will be. I'm THANKFUL though because my relationship with my parents is a lot better now... .. and MAYbe Sally and Andy will be living somewhere in the south bay!!!! MAYBE? And Leona will always be a skype buddy I know. And maybe I can visit Minnesota.
I know that I will have friends still - i never lacked that; because I just shoved myself in their faces.. but i think i'll be sad when I come back. I'll first of all miss it here, and all the people i know here, then I won't FIT IN for the first few months at EBCB, and it will be depressing not having a job... and I'll peruse the lonelyplanet websites and wish I could be in another country and plan huge trips where I'd only spend $1000 a month to go country hopping.
BUT I also know, that the Lord is SO faithful and does grant the desires of my heart.. and even the stupid superficial ones. Like for the life of me, I would NEVER have guessed that God would have opened so many travel opportunities for me here in Asia. I never really liked traveling to tell you the truth, i'm a homebody. But suddenly, I want to be places and experience things and suddenly this year, i got to go to Korea, I am going to China (which before never held any attraction for me), and I'm even stopping over for a stint in Thailand. In Thailand I'll see my dad (it turns out on his way from India to Myanmar, he'll stopover for 12 hours in Bangkok the EXACT weekend i'll be there for GRE! ) and then I'll TRAVEL with my mother.. and who DOESN'T love to shamelessly boast in front of their mother? I'm excited to get us around and speak Chinese and have her marvel at how wonderful I am. ^_^
Anyway, my heart changes, and sometimes wonderful things happen .. and I just have to rest in that! and I WILL rest in that! And instead of being apprehensive about the future, it will be good and fine!!!!!
I'm excited to see old people and even though all the girls my age will be gone, it's time to turn over a new leaf. I'm glad i'm not crying. I just sort of sometimes have a dry puffy feeling in my neck. I'll be okay; and I need to NOT take out my frustrations on little other frustrations.... (finances, future work, etc).
straight paths straight paths straight paths.
BTW: I really do want my tattoo. It's been 4 years now (8 if you count high school.. but high school was when I wanted a pagan tattoo hahaha. not really pagan, just kidding).
It will be on my right foot near where the toes begin; can always be hidden by shoes/socks.
it will say a certain reminder for me based on Heb 11:13
IT WILL LOOK COOL!
IT IS COOL.
It will not wrinkle with age (do feet wrinkle?) and if it does, see point number 1.
It will not be huge and audacious
I might regret it when I'm older.
It will hurt
It might get infected, my toes might fall off, and i might die.
It costs ~$60.00
Neutral Points considered:
Parents are ambivalent about it (either decision is fine)
I don't think it's a sin.