Monday, December 21, 2009

this sounds scary.

Read this:

Elizabeth Esther is a blogwriter I enjoy reading. Introduced to me by Molly Piper (whom I also don't know).

I like Elizabeth Esther because she's blunt, has an interesting backstory, and is fun to read.

But reading this past entry scared me because I hated being the child left at school waiting (this happened often; to the point where the librarian knew us since Joy and I would just go to the library after school.. well to be fair, we were supposed to since for some reason my mom was scheduled to be late every day...) either that, if oma didn't show, we'd walk to the YMCA to see if she was working out or go to swim club or walk home. memories are hazy.

I remember in 1st or 2nd grade I missed the bus or my parents didn't come and I walked home and cried the whole way. My parents told me I was brave. I remember walking over a bridge and all the cars were wooshing by and there were more cars underneath.

Anyway, I don't want to be the mom who forgets. But this already shows me I will. And that a strong woman might suddenly swoon at blood, and go crazy that her brains will melt out.

I know this is way far for me, but it still scares me. Especially as I teach middle school kids and see how different students turn out due to different parenting techniques, especially as I volunteer at a Woman/Children's AIDs shelter where I see how little children don't get consistent discipline and love... especially as I live in Taiwan where children are treated... differently (compared to America), and as I reminisce back to my own childhood.. I get scared.

In other news of scared-ness, I'm afraid I'm going to get lost at the airport going to Korea, and later have a hard time going to my grandparents' place. I'm afraid that people are going to despise me because I suck at Korean. I'm afraid I'm going to be tongue-tied and stutter. I'm afraid I'll be selfish, or tired, or act up like a big drama queen. I'm afraid I won't want to show mercy and patience when injustice rears its ugly face. I'm afraid I won't be able to yield my rights.


No comments:

Post a Comment