Wednesday, September 21, 2011

the tendency to fall apart

I skipped my S005 class this morning (it's offered online, but that still doesn't make me feel better about it).  Last night went to bed around 1, and made the conscience decision .. to.. skip. :(
Woke up with a sore throat, took a much needed shower, hurtled it to class, came in at 10:40am and was confuse that class was in full gear.  Around 11am, I realized the reason why there were so many notes and people seemed so on top of things was because ..... class doesn't start at 10:30am, it starts at 10!  


I'm such a noob when it comes to things like this, and I fall apart so easily.
I don't know why "study services" / "student counseling" sessions are offered.  When you probably need it, you're also super busy and you don't want to spend time talking to someone for .5-1 hour.  When you DO have time, then you don't need it!

Instead of taking my lunch to my room, I sat and ate with people.  that was good.  I'm not more focused on this paper.

It's a puny thing, really.  500 words.  Not too much.  I think I'm freaking out unnecessarily.... pride?  perfectionism?   Am I a perfectionist?  I didn't think I was.  I think I'm more of a comparatist....... I compare myself to others, feel like I'm better, and get annoyed when I'm not.

Oh wait, what's that word again?

Oh yeah.


Living off Sovereign Grace music, Proverbs and 1 John.  I try some Isaiah, but lately it's been really murky in those woods.

When I eat a meal, i eat A LOT, because lately I've been missing the times and skipping it.. and living like Lena and Kathy.. on fruit and nasty almond butter without salt.

Think about this often:

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil, for he gives to his beloved in his sleep. (Psalm 127:1-2)
Pastor John from 1980:
I think the main point of these three verses is: "Don't eat the bread of anxious toil." It means just the same thing Jesus meant when he said, "Don't be anxious about what you shall eat."
When we grow up we must all work for our bread. And we can either work nervously, worrying about what men will think of us — and so eat the bread of anxious toil. Or we can work with serenity in our hearts, as serving Christ and not men — and so eat the bread of peace. God's will for his children, indeed the sign of whether we are children or not, is that we not eat the bread of anxious toil.
God does not lay down specific rules for how early we rise for work and how late we knock off at night. But he does lay down this principle for his beloved: Don't rise early and go late to rest out of anxiety, out of fear and fretfulness. If the joy of fruitful labor lures you to work 12 hours a day, so be it. But take heed lest you are really deceiving yourself, and in fact are being driven by anxiety, or by her twin sister, selfish-ambition.
Christians will work hard, but they will work more for the joy of all the good their work can bring to others than they will out of fear at what men will think if they fail. So,
Be diligent as God may lead
And eat the bread you earn,
But fret not over what you need
And let not worry burn.

1 comment:

  1. juniaaaa, i was trying to find that Psalms verse the other night. grad school is harrrrddddd especially in the mindset that we are to do all things for Him. but thanks for this post...<3