this sounds scary.

Read this:
http://www.elizabethesther.com/threes_a_crowd/2009/12/blood-bottled-water-forgotten-children-and-a-messy-beautiful-life.html

Elizabeth Esther is a blogwriter I enjoy reading. Introduced to me by Molly Piper (whom I also don't know).

I like Elizabeth Esther because she's blunt, has an interesting backstory, and is fun to read.


But reading this past entry scared me because I hated being the child left at school waiting (this happened often; to the point where the librarian knew us since Joy and I would just go to the library after school.. well to be fair, we were supposed to since for some reason my mom was scheduled to be late every day...) either that, if oma didn't show, we'd walk to the YMCA to see if she was working out or go to swim club or walk home. memories are hazy.

I remember in 1st or 2nd grade I missed the bus or my parents didn't come and I walked home and cried the whole way. My parents told me I was brave. I remember walking over a bridge and all the cars were wooshing by and there were more cars underneath.


Anyway, I don't want to be the mom who forgets. But this already shows me I will. And that a strong woman might suddenly swoon at blood, and go crazy that her brains will melt out.



I know this is way far for me, but it still scares me. Especially as I teach middle school kids and see how different students turn out due to different parenting techniques, especially as I volunteer at a Woman/Children's AIDs shelter where I see how little children don't get consistent discipline and love... especially as I live in Taiwan where children are treated... differently (compared to America), and as I reminisce back to my own childhood.. I get scared.


In other news of scared-ness, I'm afraid I'm going to get lost at the airport going to Korea, and later have a hard time going to my grandparents' place. I'm afraid that people are going to despise me because I suck at Korean. I'm afraid I'm going to be tongue-tied and stutter. I'm afraid I'll be selfish, or tired, or act up like a big drama queen. I'm afraid I won't want to show mercy and patience when injustice rears its ugly face. I'm afraid I won't be able to yield my rights.


Pray.

hello my teacher

so finished watching a drama this semester called "hello my teacher."
the premise is understandably disturbing as it unfolds a plot about a student-teacher relationship.

while trying to shrug off that part (and also reminding myself that all the high school 'students' are around 6' something and look like college grads), I couldn't help but be drawn to the wonderful way this drama portrayed teaching.

i could relate with the first day of school and Na bori's hopes of trying to win over the students and also figuring out what to do about teacher-student dynamics since she's so young.

i also loved the conversations about helping the students or what to do as a teacher and the semi-helplessness and then the acceptance of making do with the situation.

i also remembered what it's like to be a student and the issues concerning that (love, family, poverty, grades) and how in high school those WERe the life-death situations. hence a lot of tears were shed while watching this drama.


it's very similar to Gokusen with a little random smaller plot within the episode, and i liked that. i loved just the.. old school love and care that the class displayed and the solidarity.

so unrealistic; random stray storylines.. but yeah i liked it. <3





and you can write off irrational behavior to the fact that tae-in is still a high school student.

william carlos williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold


**
i like this poem now.
i still don't really get it.
i still like it.

i remember freshman year my teacher Ms. Sarles made us read this poem and I thought it was so stupid (I also thought she was so stupid... my reasons being she described "Happiness" as "being happy" [which i'm not sure if this memory is true or made up] and she said "ironical" which I used to think wasn't a word. ... it is. and happiness as "being happy" seems perfectly reasonable to me now.. plus i notice that i sometimes adopt her ditzy way of talking at times. i guess it comes with the age. looking back it was her first year teaching and i DO use things that she taught. sorry Ms. Sarles for being mean and bad and calling you a racist.) ... -_-

so

Reading short stories from LM Montgomery and getting teary after each story.
I wondered in the MRT, why I get teary.
Perhaps the idea of people learning gratitude makes my heart ache a little.

When I was little I prided myself in being a rock. I didn´t cry. I looked down on my mom´s constant crying (praying, movies, talking, sharing) and I was definitely uncomfortable when others cried.

I cried only in movie theaters in that safe haven of dark and make believe.

Now, I tear up a lot. Maybe I'm more my mom than I thought; or I guess tears don't equal weakness to me anymore.


Watched Becoming Jane last night. Felt so hopeless and helpless for Jane Austen... yet also drawn to her situation. I always like to imagine myself in the heroine's shoes (provided she's a heroine i admire).


Lastly:
I think the reason that Christian fiction fails is because they are usually stories with the supernatural element of God. Yet, why read make believe when you can read truth? For every Christian romantic novel out there, you have five real stories of how so and so met their true love. For every adventure Christian novel out there, you can get a bunch of memoirs and biographies of true wars and daring escapades and displays of human weakness and dependence on a God of strength.

That's why I think for Christian books to succeed they need to be very allegorical and fanciful. Plus those are just the best.


Last Lastly:

I was reading a correspondence between a friend and i a few months ago and was just kicking myself in the foot over how he listened to me and responded in a way that was kind to my nonsensical ranting despite his mindset being completely different from mine. And yet during "his turn" I was so quick to judge and teach instead of listening and loving. I wish i hadn't done that.

posterity's sake

On Wednesday after Anne Frank presentations I showed a clip from Freedom Writers. I then offered (half-heartedly) an opportunity to watch the movie after school on Friday. I didn't have them on Thursday so I didn't expect them to come but on Friday girls asked me if I was going to show it. About 8 students stayed after school to watch it! It included a boy too! And two of the girls are poor English speakers.

The sweet thing was watching them talk and chat and chill and translate parts that the other girls couldn't understand. It's just very sweet. That's also why I wanted to show it after school; so that it wasn't a school-sanctioned event and the kids could chill. I wish I could have sat with them but I was busy finishing 2nd quarter grades.

Anyway, I was thinking, how even just a 2 year difference between my sister and I and I feel so helpless as to help her.

As I watch "Hello My Teacher" I swoon over Gong Yoo. And then I think about Kwon Sang woo (my first kdrama love) and how old he's gotten... and i think that as I grow older, I'll be past this whole youthful stage... I won't even look youthful anymore and truth be told, that makes me sad. (in Taiwan i realize how VAIN i am and how VAIN i always WAS.. lovely my worst faults are pride, unsubmission and vanity...why couldn't it have been like.. shyness, being a pushover, and trusting people too much?)

Anyway as I was watching "Hello My Teacher", Na BoRi expresses regret about how she treated her student just the way her old teachers treated her (unjustly).. it got me thinking, how even now, I get angry at my students, or call out one (out of impatience) when others are in trouble. And I'm doing stuff that I hated when I was young .... but then I also think it goes both ways.. how.. how we don't listen when we're young to people who are old. SO I WANT to write and tell myself when i'm OLDER to remember what it was like to be young and also to remind my future kids that i was young too.


it's so hard to get kids to listen..to see beyond the now. sometimes it seems futile.

but i'm easily inspired...i suppose the rest of my life will be spent depending on HIM so we'll see :-)

i love you!!!!! when did you grow up? love, omma

teehee

again, plagiarism rears its ugly head

So i'm tired and i wanna go home so this is gonna be a quickie.
Opening:
- how in HS u have a sense of justice.
- after Jake K got away with cheating in math all the time and then going to stanford, never thought lightly of cheating again.
- blah blah blah.

Our school
- don't give them an opportunity to cheat
- if they do make them re-do the test

Our school demographics
- ESL .. all of them. even if they're okay at it.
- suck at writing.
- don't understand WHY we quote things etc.
- dean/supervisors don't give satisfactory reasons since they get confused with modern ideas of intellectual property etc.

My class
- i have lots of ESL kids
- what i realized this quarter is if you bring up a problem it is up to YOU to solve it
- resulted in me emailing a parent every other night, giving the student heads ups 2 weeks in advance, providing lost/missed work over and over again... all so he could barely pull in a D- because he has a bad attitude, has ADHD, and thus never pays attn in class and has to make up classwork at home and needs to do missing hw etc. behavioral issues as well. did i mention awful attitude?

-- sooo i'm reluctant right now.. because i know for sure another student did NOT write his work. And it frustrates me to NO end because he IS ESL. HE KNOWS. WRITE me a sucky paper I don't CARE. just do it in YOUR own words! ... I hinted but.. it didn't work... he showed me his work again on the computer, and i told him he spelled "lives" wrong.. and he wrote "lif" .. -_- .. SOO for SURe a perfect paper that flows PERFECTLY cannOT have been written by you; probably by your older sister who is known to be a genius at our school. ...

and basically grades are due this friday. and if i bring this up with him, he will have to re-write it. I will have to be there to watch him and make sure he does.

I'm tempted to accept it since I didn't catch him and our school actually (although tacitly) seems to FROWN on catching... so i have to be slick..b ut OH how much EASIER it would be to just ACCEPT it, give him an A.. he's not going to pass anyway, why not just..

BECAUSe..

INTEGRITY
is NOT
WORTH
A MEASLY
PROJECT
IN
EIGHTH GRADE!


If anything, i see fear of man here.. I so desperately want the stupid students to like me.. and yet I can't even tell them directly to their FACES that they need to be quiet. If a student protests my reprimand, I back down right away... or laugh it off.

I can't believe i FEAR little kids! and then I puff up as soon as they like me.

This week was difficult. In light of my review last week and noticing how the 8th graders aren't quiet and how the 7th graders are.. but... i don't know.


wahh..





Psalm 139: <3

what can i say, i'm a hater.

Ugh this is what NOT to do if you're a guy




cutesy pose: okay fine.
little pucker: a little border line.
lip gloss and eye liner? NO
greasy part in the middle/shaggy hair do a la Snape? DOUBLE NO

at least this time you're not wearing a deep v-neck or anything too girly.


I don't hate Jang Geunseok or anything, and i like his characters etc, but i feel like there's a line between metro-hot and ... uhh.. whatever he's pulling.

that's all.

and i know no one from dramabeans reads this, but seriously, having girls clamor all over this dude.. i gotta rant somewhere!

http://www.dramabeans.com/2009/12/samsung-fansigning-event-features-jang-geun-seok/

twi-blight

http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=22-08-024-f


this was a fun read because
* interesting points
* well read/informed/researched
* interesting, plausible readings of the text
* not the normal blah blah psychosocio musings of why people like Twilight.

I almost regret not publicizing my thoughts about Twilight in a coherent manner just to say "What you're writing is NOT NEW!" to all those twilight critics out there.

oh well, they write it better/more concisely/humorously than i do.

anyway, ultimately, lately, i've been anti-Twilight.
It's fun to like the characters, it's fun.. but i think for me, I was just really profoundly affected when I first read the four books. (I actually physically got sick from not sleeping and my grades fell). and then let us NOT get into the emo-ness. LOVED the phone talks with beth tho.

Anyway, I see my 8th graders devouring those books, gushing over Taylor Lautner and stuff, and honestly I really don't like Twilight anymore.
It's one thing to eat ice-cream for lunch for a week; it's a totally different thing when you feed that to your kids.
Not that my students are my kids, but I just don't want them to get the wrong idea, to get messed up by idealizations from books, and to read the CRAP that's in there too (like the 4th book is way too inappropriate for middle school kids.. and come to think of it, maybe it's too inappropriate for older girls like me too..)

Anyway, i hope this is my last twilight-related post.
so embarrassing and lame that i know this.

but for me, i acknowledge it as an entertaining series.. what i don't like is when people blindly LOVE it.. because there is just so much wrong with it. i'm glad other blogs/magazines have pointed them out.
for now, i'll just post links instead of writing something substantial on my own.

Find out what it means to me!

So, I had a classroom observation session and my dean didn't say much except that it was fine.. that he wasn't quite sure. sort of how it seems disorganized (not his words; mine) and he's not sure if the kids respect me. Or he was sort of hemming and hawing between the fact that they like me but aren't afraid of me, which is good, but not sure if they respect me... perhaps he'd have to come back and reserve.

Anyway i told him this is my first year teaching and I'd be open to feedback, just b/c i know on his part it must be awkward to criticize a fiery teacher.

Funny thing is that today my kids were better behaved.

Anyway, the FUNNY thing is that what irks me is how he mentioned that the kids might not respect me. I think that sort of rankles.

Pros were he could tell I knew what I was talking about, he was glad I was using certain terms with the children..

i mean there wasn't anything bad that he said; except that maybe the kids didn't respect me.. and that really does sort of sting because out of ANYTHING that's what I want/expect from the kids...

but you know what?

I like the way my reading classroom is relaxed. I like the camaraderie I have with them.
And maybe if that doesn't look like respect, unless it gets so that kids are saying "Hey you" to me and not thanking me or raising their hands... I think I'm okay with that.


wow.

i did find out what it means to me. hahah. r e s p e c t.

but it's attractive.

"Some wonder why many of us are making such a big fuss about the Manhattan Declaration, and I’d submit that it is because some of us see a dangerous drift happening. Packer, who signed the MD and also the original ECT document, is representative of this drift. It seems, and this deserves further exploration, that Packer’s initial steps in this direction started in the mid-1960s, then bloomed more fully in the decade following. Packer’s biographer, Alistar McGrath, acknowledges that Packer’s support of ECT “can be seen to rest on precisely the theological foundations developed by Packer in England during the 1970s” (J. I. Packer, p. 160). Specifically, Packer took the side of evangelical ecumenism in opposition to Lloyd-Jones in 1966, then co-authored a work with two Anglo-Catholics in 1970 (Growing into Union) that many evangelicals felt conceded too much biblical ground on critical doctrinal issues. The publication of that work led to the formal break between Lloyd-Jones and Packer, bringing an end to the Puritan Conferences.

I think this backdrop is important so that we see this issue in relation to the larger issues. Too many defenses of the signers of the MD err precisely by seeing only this document, not the larger questions on the table and trends at work. Once ecumenism has been embraced, common ground becomes the goal. That almost without fail means that differences are minimized or dismissed altogether. Perceived piety or devotion to good works gradually trump soundness on the gospel as the evidence of genuine Christianity. That seems like the only way to explain how Packer can claim that Teresa is a model Christian because “what one does for others is the real test of the genuineness and depth of one’s love to God, and specifically to Jesus Christ the Lord” (p. 262).

As I said earlier on this subject, the Manhattan Declaration represents another step toward accepting the false notion that being a Christian is demonstrated by doing something about social issues. It seems clear to me that J. I. Packer has taken that step."

http://gloryandgrace.dbts.edu/?p=188

ecumenism is attractive to me. a desire to be friends with everyone (people pleasing), a desire for social justice (perhaps stronger than a desire for personal piety and holiness a la James 1) makes the perfect formula for a wish for "why can't we just all get along?"

but, i'm also really stubborn and i don't like to be self-contradictory, and it doesn't make sense for me, to "hold hands and kumbaya" with people who don't hold to the same core views. If we have different reasons for wanting the same outcome, it's bound to turn out like a man on two horses. The horses might run together for a while, and he'll look really cool, but one horse is bound to turn one way or another and the man will fall; or even worse, the horses will approach a tree and the horses will naturally swerve to avoid the tree and the man will slam into the tree. It's bound to happen - at least it does in cartoons anyway.

the point of this is just to say, i wish, but i understand why not. and perhaps this is a good time to understand this as many of my friends go onto humanitarian efforts... just because we both seek relief for the downtrodden, doesn't mean we do so with the same motives or even that we can cooperate together beyond a certain superficial point.


i feel regretful, but it's only surface regret. i think right underneath that little crust, i know what i know.. but i want to at least acknowledge that it's not a single, determined, ignoring-all-other-options knowledge.

-~-~-~-~-~-

in other news. it makes sense that true Christians would have the gift of literacy... since true Christians want the Word and since the Bible isn't easy literature, people are naturally going to get better at expressing themselves and understanding. Furthermore, I think logic also gets a boost since we're not as blinded by sin. Really! Does this sound bigoted? I hope not. I KNOW there are plenty of non-Christian geniuses with great literacy. .. but there's also a lot of not-smart Christians, who for some reason can write or speak beautifully, logically, simply, or clearly.

hah

today abba and i went to see move '2012'. today was senior's day! hmmm, soon we will be quallified for that status!

if i were a grandmother by then, agae 55, it will be fun! :] no pressure at all!!! i mean it! God makes alll things beautiful for us all!
just start praying and asking God for the direction and hear from him then He always makes our path straight!


so much in the email to laugh at.
first of all the spelling and stuff.. she's actually good. i'm surprised at her random punctuations....

i like how she gives me a hint; then says no pressure; then slightly implies that i :"just" need to "start praying and asking God for direction" ... perhaps my path is not straight right now? hahaha.

smug

this year i've conquered the pie crust.

so from now, henceforth, i'll say this

prebaked/unbaked/storebought piecrusts are for... PANSIES!

if it makes you feel better, really pretty pansies :-)


pansy

a happier note

Found out that a few of my old youth group leaders are getting married soon!
I'm excited and happy for them, I feel a pang of regret for one of my youth leaders and hope she gets married sooooon...

Facebook is a double-edged sword, since I get to keep in touch with people from the past, but I also get to see beyond the church-facade they displayed at church. In one sense it makes me feel sick and again, grateful to have been saved from that church culture of hypocrisy, where you worship God on Sundays while working over the Saturday hangover.

And then, I feel incredibly superior and legalistic... like "how dare you get drunk." Of COURSE getting drunk is a sin, but my issue is that my attitude is incredibly hoity-toity... and I feel really low and let down by seeing old sunday school teachers with pictures like that, or even seeing captions like "girls .. blah blah blah". In my head I frown and thing "you're not a girl, you're an old woman, grow up."

It's rather all really mean in my head.

I guess, again, I need to take people off their pedestals.. and not expect them to be somebody just because they led things.. and I'm thankful for older teachers who were faithful to the Lord first and didn't just do an act for Sunday.

I'm thankful for a church now where people straightforwardly and unabashedly love the Lord and understand worldliness for what it is.. instead of explaining it away, they admit struggles and work to find the balance between liberty and edification.






































Also.. the REAL reason for this post... (so random, I can't believe I got carried away with the abovE)........... it's sort of scary to see my sunday school teachers getting engaged now.. because.. PLEASE, I don't want to be getting engaged 10-15 years from now. :-( :-( :-(

i don't think i normally say things publicly about marriage etc, so that will be it. BUT surriously; maybe it will be some sort of humbling season God will put me through because i'm so chockfull of pride.. but... yagh. even if it means i'd have the means for some crazy extravagant wedding (like one of my teachers).. i'd rather not marry a guy who's pushing 40 when i'm in my mid 30s. That's all.

have mercy on me sinner that i am

i think i'm turning into Rachel Lynde and Marilla Cuthbert. I'm Rachel Lynde because I am fussy and have impossible standards and get offended easily. I'm Marilla Cuthbert because I'm harsh and almost too practical to be soft and loving.

This week especially I saw a lot of pharisaism in my life (pharisaic-ism hehe) and it sucked. I'm really that pharisee that stands and says "Oh God, I'm SO glad I'm not like THAT sinner over THERE."

turkey

i think i used to like helping my mom wash the turkey, and i liked to open the fridge when my dad was brining the turkey and touching the turkey because the turkey felt like.. a big baby.

and when i helped add butter underneath its skin, i felt like i was touching a wrinkly old woman. but i liked that. :-)

scholastic book clubs

btw, do u guys remember scholastic book club catalogues? i miss those. i remember poring over them w/ sibs, circling books, waiting w/ bated breath for my mom to choose which books she'd order... and THEN those fateful days, when our teacher would call our names and give us a package of books.

i remember that's when i got chronicles of Narnia. I began reading The Magician's Nephew in fourth grade and grew so bored of it.. it was stinky and boring. I think I tried to reread it a few times.. maybe in 6th grade I really got into the chronicles... perhaps I began with the second book or something.

I remember the boxed set illustrations always intrigued me; it had a picture of the unicorn from the Last battle. there was a gold chain around its beautiful white neck with some blood on the tip of its horn. chilling and beautiful. at least to a child's eyes.



i remember alllll my boxcar children books from that.. i remember wanting to join the bookclub where if you paid 4.99 a month, you'd get a special book a month and some sort of special toy.


I think i got all the Dear America diaries thru Scholastic book Club. I LOVED those books. They were more expensive - 9.99 each I think. I remember once my sister and I surveyed our collection and realized we had over $100 worth of Dear America books!


we also had a buttload of American Girl books too. Addie. Samantha. Kirsten. and of course Felicity. Who could forget her? Forget all the rest of the American Girl books... these were the OG.



those yellowing, colored newsprint catalogues. <3 and then the book fairs, where when you were in 5th grade, you were allowed to "volunteer," I loved book club.


I loved my school library, and the librarian, Mrs. Kay Cook. her name was Kay Cook! When we went to the library, she would read to us a story, then we would pick a book to check out. my mom used to pick us up late, so my sister and I would wait in the library and read. I'd sit in the far left corner where all the mythology was. I think that's where most of my mythology knowledge is from (except for the weird specific stuff I got in college). I think that's also where chinese mythology was kept too.

I remember reading stories of oranges, of a girl whose asian mother and american father fell in love in Asia and the father learned how to use chopsticks and the woman made a nest of mashed potatoes and put peas on it like eggs in a nest, but found that was only a british custom.

i remember


:-)

GCA Thanksgiving Dinner!

Made these with Grace and Kathy.
Fun b/c we made four and we did everything together.
Went by really fast and it was good!

Got the recipe from smitten kitchen
i love smitten kitchen apple recipes.

http://smittenkitchen.com/2007/11/simplest-apple-tart/

pics later!

:-)

my customary top chef review

So, just watched my last episode before the final four go on to compete in Napa Valley (woot CaLiFoRnIa!)

I had mixed feelings about this year's top chef.  Basically it was a yawn; especially compared to the drama and motely crew of personalities last season (come on, i still remember their names; Jamie, Carla, Stefan, the italian guy, leah and the meathead that actually won's fling, the older lady who i LOVED but obviously my love proved fickle since i can't remember her name... the older one.. i used her skate/cauliflower puree recipe once ... man her name is on the tip of my mind.. Dinah? no.. Dionne? something a little exotic i remember.. ARIANE!)

and this season, it was boring for a few reasons.  To name the main reason, in my opinion it was way too technical.  In the past part of the appeal was that you could see why chefs went home or stayed while also nursing the secret fantasy that maybe, just maybe if you got your act together, you could also go on to star and if not win, at least give Bravo a good run for its money.  Not anymore.  The culinary chemistry and gourmet chefs are no longer an exception but the rule.  I mean we have Brian and his cocky brother (Michael! i forgot his name at first) who are both okay on the eyes, fabulous in technical skills and apparently whip it together to produce great food.  The thing is, they never mess up; if they do, it's something lame like "oops, forgot my extra garnish"... nothing quite as cataclysmic as say, a dessert not setting or all your food going bad because the refrigerator was left open (i think this was last season too. WOW season 5!  it was that wide-eyed indian girl i think).    Sure Bravo tried to milk the whole sibling rivalry thing, but whatever; if we were interested in that sort of reality show, we'd go to MTV.

Not only is there Brian and Michael, there's also Jennifer.  Perfect little Jennifer who is that girl in school that nobody likes.  The focused one, who never smiles, who says all the right things, who does all the right things, who did all the right things, and who will probably continue to do so until she smoothly slides in and wins and nods and smiles.  Lame.  Yet perfect little Jennifer did throw us a twist; when she literally CRACKED.  So glad there were so many incompetent chefs to eliminate before the judges got a chance to eliminate her.  LOVED it during this episode when Padma smiles and coolly said, "Welcome back" after the quickfire.  still, Jennifer's intense.

So not only do we have three super technically talented professionally trained chefs winning every quickfire and elimination challenge (i swear, in the beginning it was a pingpong match between the.. three), but everyone else is just... bumbling or boring.  This season seemed to say, if you have no professional training, go home - you suck!  which was pretty much the case for most of them.

Of course there were some interesting characters, and i'll get into the ones who stuck out.
Of course Mike: is cocky.. super cocky.. and annoying.. because he's so cocky.  i can totally see him as a dad.  a self-important dad of course.

then there's ooh what's that french dude.  Martel? Milan? Jacque? hahahah whatever.. He was just cute.  with zee fwench accent.  too bad he couldn't cook for beans... or beans.

and also, just most of the people were just really self-deprecating, had self esteem issues, or tried to be really gay to stand out.. lame.  Bravo should stop trying to be a platform for human-interest issues.  it's about the cooking.

I think towards the end, though, Bravo wisened up and began trying to appeal to its average majority.. through the comfortable home cooking of Kevin.. gotta love him and his beard.. and then his little bald head that makes it look like he's wearing a yarmulke.  Sort of reminds me of a dwarf!  DUDE so wanna eat his meat though..... wow.  hahaha.  poor guy; he won't win.. unless others pull booboos.  They also began focusing on Eli.  The dreamer, aspiring chef, TV watchers can all empathize with Eli. trying new things, young to the scene. whee.  Except.. peanut butter jelly .. .whatever monster concoction that was during last week's episode.. was horrific Eli ... good thing robin was still around.

Concerning Robin; was she there to appeal to the older demographic?  Because they did an awful job of making her appealing.  It was a little funny to see everyone sort of get irked by her, and i guess she is very talkative and a little too .. wannabe.  BUT again, Bravo, this is a cooking show; not MTV.. not Disney.  Come on, super petty.  I think she was kept there to be the annoying factor to add fire to a collection of dull duds.

I like Brian though.  He is just a likeable guy; especially in juxtaposition to his immature brother Michael... who probably seethes under the shadow of his perfect brother.  Brian is so ... under-spoken about his talents, he's just very methodological, kind, has a sense of morals, humble.. he's a bore.  I'm surprised he became a chef.  but he's pretty dang good at it!  and it's a fresh of breath air.. whoa there, breath of fresh air, to see a nice human being on TV.  Poor Michael.  Michael is a normal human being... and it must suck to not measure up to your older brother.  Michael - you're a great chef too.  Just stop acting spoiled or cocky.. but I guess that's applauded on Tv.. since you're sticking to your guns.  Then in that case, stick to your guns.. not that you'd care about my blog post anyway...


Final comments:  on the judges; every year I feel a  pang of symapthy for the other girl judge.. the one who's not padma.... because HONESTLY, you know people are comparing you two, and Padma's beautiful. HA that's my sick, superficial side coming out.  see i dont even know her name.  if i didnt know any of the names it would be the bald judge, the hot judge, and the not as pretty judge. hahah actually no, it would be Tom, Padma and the other one. HAHAHAHAHA

And Toby isn't so caustic this year... glad that he left his weirdo analogies for.. whatever, not the dinner table.


In closing, the final four has been decided!  You know, last season, the ending was pretty anticlimactic; and boy did i not like the winner.. and you know what's funny, nobody even sees him around anymore.  ANYWAY it was kinda sad to see Eli go.. since Eli was pretty chills... but meh, didn't care much for him or anything..   ultimately despite the length of this rambling post, i didn't care much for most of them, really.  i don't even remember half the ones who left.

the chefs in that stupid little top chef alumni reunion special they had (instead of a cooking episode that i wanted to see!) left more of an impression on me than this whole season.  well, i'll always be interested in Jennifer's food........


Also location this season was pretty sweet.  Las Vegas .. then Napa Valley? wooo!!  The money themes were pretty crazy and man, M Resort was just showering the chefs with money.



I still haven't gotten to eat at Jamie's restaurant, Absinthe.

Same Premise; Different Conclusions

"Human beings do not live forever, Reuven.  We live less than the time it takes to blink an eye, if we measure our lives against eternity.  So it may be asked what value is there to a human life.  There is so much pain in the world.  What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than the blink of an eye?...I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing.  But the eye that blinks, that is something.  A span of life is nothing.  But the man who lives that span, he is something.  He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant.  Do you understand what I am saying?  A man must fill his life with meaning, meaning is not automatically given to life.  It is hard work to fill one's life with emaning.  That I do not think you understand yet.  A life filled with meaning is worthy of rest.  I want to be worthy of rest when I am no longer here.  Do you understand what I am saying? .... I did not want to sound morbid.  I only wanted to tell you that I am doing things I consider very important now.  If I could not do these things, my life would have no value.  Merely to live, merely to exist--what sense is there to it?  A fly also lives." - (Potok, 217)

"What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." - James 4:14
"Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.' " - James 4:15


"I waste away; I will not live forever. Leave me alone, for my days are but a breath." - Job 7:16
""If I should wash myself with snow / And cleanse my hands with lye, / Yet You would plunge me into the pit, / And my own clothes would abhor me. / For He is not a man as I am that I may answer Him, / That we may go to court together. / There is no umpire between us, / Who may lay his hand upon us both. " - Job 9:30-33


""Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths, And my lifetime as nothing in Your sight; Surely every man at his best is a mere breath. Selah." - Psalm 39:5
"And now, Lord, for what do I wait? / My hope is in You. / Deliver me from all my transgressions; /  Make me not the reproach of the foolish. " - Psa 39:7-8


"Man is like a mere breath; His days are like a passing shadow." - Psalm 144:4
"Stretch forth Your hand from on high; / Rescue me and deliver me out of great waters, /  Out of the hand of aliens / ... / I will sing a new song to You, O God; / Upon a  harp of ten strings I will sing praises to You, / Who gives salvation to kings, / Who rescues David His servant from the evil sword. / Rescue me and deliver me out of the hand of aliens," Psalm 144:7, 9-11








Reuven's father comes to understand that life itself is short.  That importance does not lie in life itself but the human being, the soul, that inhabits that life.  Yet as a result of this premise, he assumes that he must DO.  
It is true that life is transient and that it is the being that matters more than the life; the soul prevails over breath.  And yet because of that we must praise Him who gave life; how can we repay; how can we earn; how can we MAKE our lives worthwhile when we had no hand in its creation in the first place?  We cannot simply walk up to the giver of life, we cannot assume that we can make our lives worthy... and for that I am so very thankful and relieved.

186-190

from The Chosen written by Chaim Potok gave me shivers.  Or warm bursts of surges out my chest up into my face and made my eyes feel fuzzy.

i love it when books do that.

response

The Side A/Side B debatefrom More Musings on Christianity, Homosexuality, and the Bible by Misty

As many of you know, there is a debate among gay Christians about what the Bible teaches regarding same-sex sexual relationships. "Side A" believes that God approves of same-sex sexual relationships and that living a chaste life means abstaining from sex prior to entering into same-sex marriage. "Side B" believes that God does not approve of same-sex sexual relationships and that living a chaste life means living celibate (or, in some cases, being married to an opposite-sex partner, where both partners know it is a "mixed orientation" marriage). In my writings I have sometimes referred to Side A as the "affirming" position and Side B as the "traditional" position. I just like the idea of using terms that aren't judgmental or inflammatory when engaging in this debate.

Yet even though I take the Side B position, more than half of my gay Christian friends are Side A and we get along just fine. Why is that? I first began to realize that there were Side A evangelical Christians out there when I began meeting them at gay churches and gay Christian Bible studies. I'd worship with them, discuss the Scriptures, share testmonies and prayer requests. A group of Side A Christians prayed for me and supported me during the entire controversy I went through with my old denomination. When you experience that kind of close fellowship with one another, you can't deny the presence of the Holy Spirit is among you.

I also came to understand that many Side A evangelicals have scripturally-based reasons for believing as they do. Some arguments are very sound while others I can't agree with. But I agree with them on all the important things: the central doctrines of the gospel and the saving work of Jesus Christ. I just don't agree with their understanding of what the Bible teaches about the specific issue of whether homosexual sexual relations is sinful.

So this is how I've come to think of our differences. Suppose I were asked to write out a list of sins for which I think Jesus died on the cross. This list would represent my interpretation of what Scripture teaches to be sin. I might put down a thousand things on that list, one of which would be homosexual sexual relations. Then I'd leave a large section at the bottom of the paper blank for all the sins I might have left out, perhaps out of ignorance or self-deception or whatever. A Side A Christian might do the exact same thing, except he or she excludes homosexual sexual relations from their list and instead includes the sin of thinking homosexual sexual relations is a sin. So we have both included something on our list that the other person has excluded, and excluded something that the other has included. And we both acknowledge that our own lists are probably very flawed.

Now when we both come before Jesus to ask for forgiveness of our sins, we know that he pays for everything regardless of whether we have included them on our "list" or not. We both come with humility of mind, trusting that his blood will cover not just the sins we've acknowledged but also the ones we've failed to acknowledge because of ignorance, prejudice, hardness of heart, or whatever. So in the end does it really matter if a Side A Christian and a Side B Christian don't agree with each other's "lists"?

The main thing is that we both come before Christ knowing that he can remove all our transgressions, whether we fully understand what those transgressions are or not. In Christ there are no more lists. Our lists have been wiped clean, both what was on it and what we failed to put on them. And since we both come away from the throne of grace so thoroughly cleansed and perfected in Christ's righteousness, can't we forgive each other those disagreements that the blood of Christ has ultimately made irrelevant?

..






So, I subscribe to Misty's blog, initially because she had some candid food for thought especially during the times of Prop 8. I am very interested in the homosexual community and what's been going around in terms of society in the past ten years, and it seems like there are few people (besides Al Mohler and John Piper) who really address homosexuality in a balanced, loving, and curious way. I like where she goes with this article except I think where Misty and I part in terms of thought is in her last paragraph.




The main thing is that we both come before Christ knowing that he can remove all our transgressions, whether we fully understand what those transgressions are or not. In Christ there are no more lists. Our lists have been wiped clean, both what was on it and what we failed to put on them. And since we both come away from the throne of grace so thoroughly cleansed and perfected in Christ's righteousness, can't we forgive each other those disagreements that the blood of Christ has ultimately made irrelevant?




Simply because all my sins have been wiped clean does not mean that I continue sinning if I can help it. For a long time, I didn't know pride was a sin. I really didn't. When I found out (the hard way), I had to change! I had to change because sin is not to be taken lightly. One sin is all it took for a fatty cup of wrath to have my name written on it. One sin was all it took for that said cup of wrath to be poured upon Jesus Christ. One sin was all it took for my Savior to be physically mauled and humiliated and spiritually mauled and humiliated a gajillion times worse. One sin was all it took for the perfect relationship of the trinity to be split. One sin was all it took for God to take PLEASURE in killing His Son.


The Bible is pretty clear. But our eyes are mucusy, there's a film. And as we grow in Christ, what used to be dim becomes clear; the way we thought as a child matures when we grow into an adult. Heck, that statement itself demonstrates this fact. I cannot condemn a brother or sister for engaging in a sin out of ignorance. I cannot judge. But, I can encourage the brethren and challenge predispositions and thoughts with the inerrant truth of the Scripture. I can do that at least because others have loved me enough to do that for me. We sharpen each other. We are USED by God to sanctify each other.. to clear our minds. We cannot judge because we are not the Judge; but pointing out error is not bigotry or prejudice. Pointing out error is loving. Because of these "Side A Christians" truly love God, they WOULD want to obey His commands. Same goes for me, as a "Side B Christian." I want to obey God's commands.


That's why rather than throwing in the towel and refusing to fight over the "technicalities" of sin that Christ died for anyway, we need to be careful and really seek out within us that which we can submit to the Lord. Our sins have been washed clean, and while we're on earth, we can not be perfect. Yet we can bring joy to the Lord when we demonstrate repentance with a desire to not return to the things of the world. I think that goes for everything, whether it's sexual or dietary preference.

The Fun Theory

websites i like but provide a poor commentary on society today

I just found The Fun Theory today.  Granted, I enjoyed watching the youtube videos and the creativity and time people have to run such experiments.  However, I find it sad that in order to get people to do the harder, more mundane duties in life, we have to figure out a way to make it fun.

I think it's disgusting that we have to cater to the whims of people; to coax them into seeing a reason (fun) to do something that is better for them, better for others, or better for things. 

It makes people grow up with expectations; the expectation for gratification instead of just the knowledge that what they did was good.

I say this because as a teacher, I notice how we have to figure out new methods of teaching simply because technology has gotten savvier and kids get bored more easily.  What happened to days of note-taking by hand; or actually cracking open a book to get information?  What happened to imagination of the simple, harmless variety.

I assign creative writing prompts sporadically and am horrified at how at loss kids are as to what to write.   They whine if things are boring, they can't sit still, they have to be reminded that ipods and cell phones are NOT for class.  

It's absolutely ridiculous.

I sound like a 60+ year old curmudgeon but I'm not.  I'm a 22 year old young lady.  How much worse will this be 40 years from now?

Thanksgiving

" This is the time of year I start to feel like Thanksgiving has just become a quick meal on the way to Christmas. What happened?

"Thanksgiving has lost its cultural muscle," writes Eric Felton in aWall Street Journal commentary today. He adds, "The early advent of the Santa season may have less to do with the red-and-green imperative than with the weakness of Turkey Day."

His assessment of the state of Thanksgiving in the 21st century is worth reading:

Could it be we've lost our capacity for gratitude? A successful harvest occasioned thanks back when it was all that stood between us and a long, cold, hungry winter. But now we're divorced from the seasonal rhythms of the farm, where the harvest is celebrated as the payoff of all the year's labors. Even in the midst of this Great Repression we enjoy perpetual plenty. What resonance does a cornucopia have to people who have come to expect ripe blackberries in February? If anything, we should be more grateful, but that's not our nature. Anything we struggle for, we hold dear; anything that comes easy, we take for granted.

He goes on to capture the awkwardness of trying to enjoy a family feast when some of those around the table just want to moralize about the food:

Not only don't we celebrate the astonishing abundance that is our good fortune, we whine and moan about how it makes us fat.... And if that weren't enough to squeeze the pleasure from the day, no modern Thanksgiving is complete without a college student home from school, lecturing the family on the cruelty of meat. (To which the only appropriate response is: "Does that mean you don't want the drumstick?")

He ends with an invitation to enjoy a little more of the goodness of autumn and Thanksgiving before diving into Christmas:

... before we break out the ornaments and dust off the Vince Guaraldi soundtrack, let's make the most of autumn and its particular pleasures. Jump in a pile of leaves. Savor the waning daylight. And go ahead. Week after next, eat that second slice of pumpkin pie—just be thankful for it."

Got this excerpt from Boundless: http://www.boundlessline.org/2009/11/dont-deck-the-halls-yet.html

It made me sad. 

I always write about Thanksgiving.  Probably because it's my favorite holiday. 

How did this come about?  I remember when I was younger going down to So-Cal every Thanksgiving to spend it with my dad's side of the family.  I remember it being boring, watching TV.. but I also remember the delicious food.  (which got more delicious after the year we convinced my dad to tell the relatives to STOP trying to cook Thanksgiving food but let US do it instead).

I enjoy how my family gets together and makes sure we have EVERYTHING for the meal.  I love how we cook together.  I like the merriment.  ..  What makes me sad is at our family, it's really uncool to be thankful.  If one person tries to increase thankfulness, that's my mom.  If another person tries to echo gratitude, then everyone sort of scorns or laughs at them.

I wish my family was more transparent about emotions like love and gratitude.  I wish we were more positive growing up.  i wish we wouldn't trivialize things by laughing at it, ridiculing it, scorning it, or making light of it and brushing it off. 

I think i forget that during thanksgiving no one is very sincere about what they're thankful for.  i think i forget that during thanksgiving people are suspicious and closed off about what to share.

Wow, that took an unexpected turn!

Ultimately, it's difficult for me as a person to make myself vulnerable to my family because it's so easy to get hurt that way.

I still like Thanksgiving though; because despite the gruffness and harsh words, i still know i'm good at what i do and that my family appreciates that.  conversely, my family members also know they are good at what they contribute and they know i appreciate that.  i think.

Lastly thanksgiving has that aura of family and thankfulness without the stress of presents, socializing, not getting what you want, getting what you don't want etc etc etc.  along with the pressure of making sure "Jesus is the reason for the season" yet also feeling incredibly hypocritical because Christmas is also the most emotional, rubbed-raw season of the year.

WOW i sound so Scrooge-y.

More on this later.  I just wanted to comment on the first part.  I'm sad the holiday of Christmas (not the real Christmas) is overshadowing Thanksgiving.

crescent rolls

i love crescent rolls; i make it usually with pillsbury biscuit dough.

anyway i saw this recipe a while ago and was really tempted to try it

After all, it did post itself as their "favorite thanksgiving rolls."

I haven't made bread since my pre-teen years, and honestly they weren't the most pleasant experiences.  My mom would make bread, I would want to "help".  Help consisted of me doing the stickiest worst kneading until I was too tired to continue.  Then my mom would thank me, compliment my kneading skills, and comment on "how easy it was" now that I had done the hard part.  i was unamused.

I bought yeast a week ago, and today I actually went ahead and made it!

Wasn't too bad

For this recipe, I recommend that you KNEAD the dough before rolling it out.  You'll see why.

I also didn't have powdered milk so I just put in 1/4 C of yogurt. I don't know if that added or took away from it.

I'd put more butter in it as well.

Also, while waiting, I grabbed a small glob of dough, put in some brown sugar, and fried it in brown sugar and made ho-dduk!  Great!

the nerve!

In my reading class I require my students to have a notebook. I'm pretty picky (strict, anal) about the format about the notebook, and I tell the students where to put what.

It turns out that one (fool of a) student threw away his notebook...... ......

....

......

seriously?

It's a major project grade.

So, I offered in the beginning of the year to have an extra notebook on hand where students can get notes/homework that they missed. An act of altruism on my part, if you will.

Last quarter, I realized how ridiculous it is for me to constantly re-write my notes into a notebook for the students. So, instead, I copy down homework assignments etc, but for class notes, I send them over to a student I designated as a class note-taker.

She gets extra credit.

Today, the (fool of a) student finally got back to me to make up his notebook. He comes back with my notebook.

"Sort of useless.. except for the homework part."

"Yeah, Alice takes class notes."

"Oh. So you're not writing?"

"I already wrote it on the board; she gets extra credit."

"Oh."

"Yup!"

Then as he walks out the door, he casually slides in this passing remark: "Seems kind of lazy..."

EXCUSE ME?

If he were in my office, I would have simply said, "Nope, smart!"

If he were in my office and if today wasn't Friday and if I wasn't in a good mood, I would have said, "Excuse me? Who says I even need to give you this? You're the one who lost the notes. You're the one whose grades are going down the tubes. You're the one who gives me ridiculous excuses. You're the one whose an (okay omit this part!) blah blah blah. I'm the one offering this little grace of a notebook for YOU to catch up. I'm the one allowing you to turn in a notebook THREE WEEKS LATE and giving you more than half credit. And I'm the one whose lazy?"

Yes. That's what I thought.

Awwwww

This really made my day (or night I suppose)  TeeHeeHee ^_^  Maybe I'm meant to be a teachaa

Hairy Potter?

Yesterday I woke up at 7:13am and arrived at school by 7:28am. Pretty gangster, if I don't say so myself. Especially if you consider the fact that I peed, brushed my teeth, took a complete shower (shampoo/conditioner/bodywash/facewash) and put on lotion and eyeliner. Not to mention everything else in coming to school (getting dressed etc).

I'm pretty speedy.

I have a special secret though. On days where I'm running late, I wear a dress.

Consider:

Putting on pants (pulling them up, hopping on one leg while rushing, zipping, buckling, on occasion belting) and a shirt (matching, pulling on, or buttoning, getting a (matching) cami to wear under if necessary) = thought!

Throwing on a dress = no thought!

Unfortunately, a dress is a cause for bare legs. It's not immodesty I'm worried about (since my dress goes past the knees for all you legalists), but rather... well, it's been a while since Miss Kim has shaved her legs. I don't do it often actually; the hairs are pretty fine and light colored so you don't notice them ... BUT if you're in your office and you're bored and you begin to stare intensely at your legs.. you notice that they are now about half a centimeter long!

I suppose this is another time to be thankful for Taiwan.

In Taiwan, NOBODY shaves their legs.

HOORAY! Retire the razor for this season of life!!!!!

And for all you people who know how anal I am about armpit hair I'd like to share with you by newfound pre-bedtime obsession: plucking!!!!! (the great alternative for people who dislike armpit hair, enjoy little bits of pain, and the satisfaction that you're pulling out the problem by the roots! no stubble at all!)

Metro gone yay

it's not even a question of metro ... it's literally.. CROSS DRESSING and it's NOT attractive.

recurring dreams

recurring dream themes

- flying (usually in my middle school; or above some huge landscape)

- mazes (usually harry potter-ish bush landscapes, or random pixelated landscapes.  i frequently die and come back ... sort of like a game)

- running away from tsunamis

- shark in a pool

i had another huge watery tsunami dream 2 nights ago.  basically a huuuuge wave was coming and i was running; i knew if i looked back it would be too late and i'd be overtaken by the waves.  i'd jump a wall only to have to scramble up higher as the water rushed over..  it was not waves really, just one big... wave... you know when a wave breaks but the water still whooshes?  yeah it was that.

finally i ended up at the huge peak.. probably as high as morro rock.  and then the water was just.. filled!  

i was with my family and 2 girls from eastbay ( don't remember who) and we walked across the wall and into the top floor of a hotel where they had their 360 overlooking the bay type of restaurant. we walked in and i felt embarrassed because i was in a nice restaurant but i was muddy and dirty (you know, from having escaped the tsunami).  Then the group and i took the elevator down so we could leave.  we tried to buy food and we got them in take out boxes.  it was awkward being drippy in a nice well lit glass elevator.

i don't remember the rest.

but yeah; those dreams of running away, i'm afraid, but i'm not super afraid.  i'm just.. running!  

i like dreams. i really wonder how dreams relate to reality.  it's fascinating stuff, really.  too bad crazy people have messed with it to the point where any talk of dreams point to coocoo talk.

Oops

So, I eat with the middle school lunch, 6th - 8th graders.  A lively bunch.  The eighth graders are constantly screaming, the seventh graders are pretty quiet except for the token three (D,G,T) who are always wandering around and getting lost, and the quieter but loud sixth graders (also right now there's been some ongoing feud amongst the girls in the sixth grade so one girl eats with the boys now and ignores the other girls.. and vice versa. LOL)

Anyway, yesterday we had a fall festival field day type of deal called the "Amazing Grace Race" and we were trying to hurry the kids in finishing and cleaning up so we could go.  However, the sixth grade boys were all bunched around this one boy chanting, "Shoot, shoot, shoot!"  I quickly walked over and upon closer inspection, I saw that another boy had the boy's head in his firm grasp; the former displayed a green bean clenched between his front teeth while the latter held his cheeks ready to "shoot."  

By now, being a much wiser middle school teacher, there was no middle ground "hmm, what are they doing?" but I sized up the situation right away, "Stop!  We are not going to shoot anything in here!"  I turned to the boy.  "Michael, swallow the bean!"  Some boys were still chanting shoot while Michael looked up at me and says (with the green bean still in his teeth), "but, .. but.."  I was firmly resolved.  "No, swallow.  Now."  Michael shrugged, chewed and swallowed.

As soon as he swallowed all the boys changed their chanting of "shoot" to a delighted, "But Miss Kim, it was dirty!  It was from floor!"  I hurled around in dismay as Michael sat grinning, "You make me eat green bean from floor! So disgusting!"  I was horrified.  Another boy, Allen walked by, and he's no saint himself and yet he shakes his head and says, "Miss Kim, you so bad, you make Michael eat from floor!"  The boys gaily gathered up the rest of their lunch belongings and headed off to homeroom while giggling and sending me disapproving statements of "You so bad, how you let him eat dirty bean?"  

Much to learn.

exercise #2: Jogging

So last night i set the alarm for 5:55am to go swimming.

But alas, the alarm was OFF, but I caught Kathy on her way out to go jogging... in my soporific state, i made the split second decision....

"Kathy?  where are you going?"

"Jogging"

"what time is it?

"6?"

"... ... give me five minutes, i'll go with you"

I brushed my teeth, put on a long tee and bball shorts and tried to tie my hair, found a headband and left with her.

we jogged.  i was really pumped from having watched Anapolis last night... but.. i quickly failed and while Kathy proceeded to run another lap, I walked home.  it was.. maybe 20+ minutes total.  Eh, better than nothing.

Being in Taiwan, you're allowed to do weird things you'd never do in America.. I took full advantage of my liberty and swung my arms wildly, tried pounding my stomach for a bit to see if that would make it go in, and did some random lunge-like things on my walk home.  No taichi for me yet.

Anyway, by the time I got home, I took a semi-cold shower (the warm water probably got used up) and was at school, wired and ready!  I was wired for the morning up until mid-Chapel.

Then, I was fighting the fatigue.

When I taught grammar, I felt like the back of my eyes were puffy.  I felt like I should be asleep.

During lunch, I just chewed, and ate.

Then as I was walking up to teach my last two classes I was thinking in my head "I can't believe this......"  

I seriously felt like I was teaching in my sleep, or falling asleep while I was teaching.

The sun was streaming into the room and kids were melting... in the middle of class I told everyone to sit up straight.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear certain people reading when they previously didn't.

By the time 8th grade reading came around, it was definitely a winged "review session" and by the end, I went up to my office, attempted to finish writing a test, and just decided to take a nap.

My nap lasted an hour.

I was out! head on my desk, semi-self-unconsciously watching out for drool..

During my nap, I dreamt that Jeffrey, a boy who NEVER talks in class, who doesn't do homework and doesn't respond, and who (I have a sneaking suspicion) doesn't really respect me, was saying "yes" and filling out his homework and just talking and reading and demonstrating that he really did understand!

I woke up, and realized it was just a dream.  

Then about an hour later, I laughed because I thought about that dream and how it was really a dream (ie: not real), and how it was ACTUALLY a dream (ie: my hope)... and it was only a dream (ie: it would never happen)... and then I thought it was funny that I would dream about that.

What doesn't kill you...

Is Mighty Delicious!

Last night I meandered around my school looking for a quick place to grab dinner.

I saw a woman in front of a lone stand and it said "shao cong bing" .. but it looked different.

The old lady making it only spoke Taiyu, so I was sort of in trouble.

Anyway, she grabbed the previous woman's money, put it away, then grabbed a lump of white

, green-onion specked dough and dipped it into the pan of old oil.

Then she began to use some random rod looking thing and rolled it out into a thin pancake.

then she lit the grill, and sifted out chunks of old fried dough and threw my pancake into the pan.

She added an egg and a buuunch of fresh green onions.

Then I requested she added spicy stuff, and she folded it, cut it and put it into a greasy bag for me.

I knew in my head, "this is either gonna be realllly good, or it's going to make me reaallly sick."

It was reallllly good!

(time will tell if i'll also get realllly sick)

All resolutions to only "eat food for which you know every ingredient"* and to "eat breakfast alone, eat lunch with friends, and give dinner to your enemy"* flew out the window.  i finished this dinner with a yummy egg tart.  Whee~!

*from http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/10/11/magazine/20091011-foodrules.html

Sample of Actual Emails I receive as a teacher

I don't know; maybe it's this new generation or the Taiwan culture, but whatever happened to coming to school on time or simple cutting and accepting your fate as a truant?

Nowadays the parents call in and say things like "my child needs a rest today."  How is that an excuse?  Now because your kid is "sleeping in" or "coming later," I have to take my precious time to e-mail your kid their homework and hope they complete it on time?

I'm required to accept late homework and "show grace?"

What gives?!

*shrug*

At least that's how I'd feel if those kids were in my class.  Thank goodness for later classes and relatively on-time/non-class-missing 7th and 8th graders.

(btw: actual date: 10/26/09 at 10:13am.  time difference)

All Recipes JACKPOT!

I made this once for guests we had over.  AMAZINGLY good:  make sure that you don't leave it in the oven too long; then when it cools it's just very very crisp, and not that good actually.  I like it b/c there's a BUNCH of oats in it.  i like that.

i omit nuts b/c I don't have any, but I think they would add a LOT to the cookie in terms of texture.

Finally, trying to cream frozen butter = a pain in the butt.  a big big pain.    a, brownsugar/whitesugar mixture flies out of the bowl all over your feet kind of pain.

Chewy Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies

Rated:	Prep Time: 15 Minutes	Ready In: 55 Minutes
Submitted By: PANTHERA	Cook Time: 12 Minutes	Servings: 42

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup butter, softened 1 cup packed light brown sugar 1/2 cup white sugar 2 eggs 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 3 cups quick-cooking oats 1 cup chopped walnuts 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS:

1.	Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
2.	In a large bowl, cream together the butter, brown sugar, and white sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in vanilla. Combine the flour, baking soda, and salt; stir into the creamed mixture until just blended. Mix in the quick oats, walnuts, and chocolate chips. Drop by heaping spoonfuls onto ungreased baking sheets.
3.	Bake for 12 minutes in the preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

Made a bunch for the students today to celebrate end of first quarter.

I'm just sad I made them so small :-/

GRE

I am going to apply for the UCI terminal Master’s in English program for Summer 2010.

Perhaps maybe even to Stanford’s STEP program.

Maybe even a longshot and apply for Berkeley English PhD. (ha. yah right)

Examine my heart and maaayyyyybe oxford/cambridge English masters. (but that’s a secret / don’t tell my parents b/c they’ll be way too excited and I am not sure if I would apply).

Taiwanese GRE red tape: It’s a split-test process and they offer the computer part many times a year, but the written part is only offered 2x a year - October and June. 

Plus the subject exam is only offered 2x more this year.  I missed the November registration deadline, but the admissions contact told me I could take the April one.  April 12th.  I don’t know if I’ll be in the USA or.. in Asia then. …  

I e-mailed the admissions btw.  it was a ridiculous email.. basically “can i not take the GRE?”  he was like “uh GRE is the basic standard for your application”  i kind of knew that was coming. especially when Selina was all “Uh it’s like the SATs.. you can’t apply to college without the SATs!”

Oh shoot.

So what I’m planning right now is either to take the split test Taiwan GRE and turn in the second part super late (I *may* be admitted on a provisional basis) but right now I’m looking at Japan and Thailand …  … yeah, I’m going to one of those countries for ONE weekend to take a test and then come home .. woo.  …  .. -_-

<3

I love having talented students in my class.  Er scratch that.  I love having students with ambition.  Not “ambitious students” but students who like to do certain things and are fine with it.

And obviously, when their interests coincide with mine, I geng adore them. HAHa. ew mixing chinese and french = yuck.

A is trying to write a book and her friend A is artsy and creates cool fonts when she writes (love it love it!)  anyway, tis typical middle school fare, but still, it’s cute to read their notes. HAHA  (it’s their fault! they should think twice before writing notes in class … especially in their CLASS NOTEBOOKS!)

15 books 15 minutes

Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag 15 friends, including me because I'm interested in seeing what books you choose.

1. Song of Solomon - Toni Morrison

2. Bible - God  

3. 12 Ordinary Men - John Macarthur

4. Battling Unbelief - John Piper

5. Anne of the Island - LM Montgomery

6. Stargirl - Jerry Spinelli

7. The Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (7 books. so shoot me)

8. Til We Have Faces - CS Lewis

9.  To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

10. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - JK Rowling

11. Lies Women Believe - Nancy Leigh Demoss

12. Give Me This Mountain - Helen Roseveare

13. Decision Making and the Will of God - Garry Friesen

14. Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston 

15. Captivating - Stasi Eldredge (b/c it was so bad ... I'll probably never forget it... first time I ever read a book like that ... claiming to be filled with truth, but actually full of laughable misinterpretations  (but also some good points.. not enough to outweigh the ridiculous))